Tag Archive: 909s and heart flatlines

Hey there, peeps!

A couple of days ago, I mentioned that I’d be re-releasing Non Juan’s 2009 album “909s and Heart Flatlines.”  And now, because I’m bored out of my mind, I’ve decided to release a few more tidbits!

1. I picked out the above photo specifically to use for this article, but now I’m thinking of using it as part of the album cover… we shall see!

2. I also have figured out the track listing. NOTE: This could change, depending on if I decide to add on additional songs and/or record any new parodies:

     1. I’m a Non Juan feat. Archbishop Don “Magic” Juan (Produced by K.K.O.F.)
     2. Erectile Dysfunction (Sensual Seduction SPOOF) (Produced by K.K.O.F.)
     3. Tongue Tied (Produced by K.K.O.F.)
     4. I Walked In on Mom and Dad (Best I Ever Had SPOOF)
     5. U Can’t Get Her Back feat. A.P.T. (Produced by K.K.O.F.)
     6. Oprah State of Mind feat. Tamika Keys (Empire State of Mind SPOOF)
     7. A Wonderful Non Juan Day feat. Archbishop Don “Magic” Juan (Produced by K.K.O.F.)
     9. Do the Non Juan (Produced by Beat Basement)
  10. Pants on the Waist Skit (Pants on the Ground SPOOF)
  11. I Want Your Body, Giiiiirl! (Produced by K.K.O.F.)
  12. I’m Friggin’ Broke feat. A.P.T. & Charles Clemmons (I’m on a Boat SPOOF)
  13. I’m All Alone feat. Archbishop Don “Magic” Juan and Haja B. (Produced by K.K.O.F.)

By the way, I usually try NOT to have 13 tracks on an album, if only for the fact that people still believe it’s an unlucky number.  However, seeing as Non Juan is unlucky when it comes to love, I think it actually makes perfect sense 🙂

3. Lastly, the album is tentatively scheduled to come out in August.  I wish I could give a specific date but, as I found out with my last album, “The Obama Milli Remix Guy Strikes Back,” once I send the album off it will be made available whenever iTunes decides the album can go live.  What I WILL say is, I hope it will be available in the early part of August – that way the sales number for the month will be maximized and I can get as much money from it when my check comes in October.

4. Okay, lastly for real this time: I may actually change the title of the album to something else – something that people are likely to type into the search engine of iTunes that would have this album pop up amongst their choices.  I’ve already got one alternative title in mind, but I may come up with something else…

That’s all for now!


Last year I began working on a website – www.NonJuan.com – that featured a character named Non Juan, a puppet who was terrible when it came to getting with the ladies.

I worked dilligently on the project last year with another person who was my business partner at the time.  My initial conception of the site was he’d be a puppet who showed guys what to do in order to NOT get women, so that they would do the opposite.  Meanwhile, my partner’s conception of the site was that he’d be an end-all, be-all character designed to obtain sponsorship for other things.

This is where he and I often clashed.  I understood how using him to market other things would be a good idea, but I thought he should have a baseline of an idea so people would know what he was about prior to them looking at him for what he could sell, while he just wanted me to try out all sorts of things with him until an idea stuck.  In the end, I think both of us had good and bad things about how the character should operate, but we just weren’t on the same page…

But why am I telling you all this?!?  All you care about is how this blog relates to the title of the article!

Well… in the midst of doing the Non Juan project, we decided he should have a musical album.  That album – 909s and Heart Flatlines (a play on Kanye West’s “808s and Heartbreak” album) – featured songs by Non Juan where he talked about trying to get girls (and ultimately failing each time). 

Above: The album cover for Non Juan’s “909s and Heart Flatlines” – still at iTunes! Click HERE!

The album itself is actually quite funny and, in my opinion, some of the best material I’ve written song-wise.  However, the album didn’t really sell that well.  Part of it is because he didn’t really have that much of a following, which is important when you’re trying to launch any new artist be it man, woman, or puppet.

Prior to launching the album, I had suggested to my business partner that we release it under the A.P.T. brand first since I was already selling songs each month under that name.  All we’d have to do is put it under the name “A.P.T. (a.k.a. The Obama Milli Remix Guy)” and title it “A.P.T. Presents: Non Juan – 909s and Heart Flatlines” and we’d get sales. Why?

  1. As I keep proving over and over again with my albums, because I include the words “Obama Milli Remix” in the title, all of my songs (currently 31) show up anytime someone types it in. I have at least a minimum of 500 people buying my songs each month – that’s practically FREE advertising for my new stuff!
  2. The majority of new artist who launch successful products do so by first being associated with someone already established.  Eminem was helped by Dr. Dre, Drake was helped by being connected to Lil’ Wayne, and I feel as though Non Juan will have a better chance of selling by being connected to me.

My business partner didn’t want to do this and, at the time, I was willing to go along with whatever his suggestions were.  Lo and behold, the album didn’t sell.

Now that we are no longer working together and I have control of the Non Juan brand, I’ve decided to re-release the album.  It will now be called “909s and Heart Flatlines – The DELUXE Edition!”

The album will feature most of the songs that were on the first release (which, by the way, is still up on iTunes – click HERE to preview/download songs from it), and will also feature 6 new songs, including:

  • “I Walked In on Mom and Dad” (“Best I Ever Had SPOOF”)
  • “U Can’t Get Her Back” (feat. me, A.P.T.; produced by K.K.O.F.)
  • “Oprah State of Mind” (Empire State of Mind SPOOF feat. Tamika Keys)
  • “I Want Your Body Girl” (The Valentine’s Day Song; produced by K.K.O.F.)
  • “I’m Friggin’ Broke” (I’m on a Boat SPOOF feat. C. Clemmons and me, A.P.T.)
  • Plus a SUPER-SECRET new parody!

Depending on what my money is looking like, the album will either be released by the end of this month or next month.  Either way, all the songs except the last SUPER SECRET new parody have been recorded, mixed and mastered.  I’m glad to be re-releasing this album, as I know it will sell and I’m REALLY excited to have people listen to it and buy it!

That’s all for now!